In today’s world which is ridden with so much violence..and here by violence I mean more of the violence in thoughts and intentions…and not so much the physical violence (which anyway is an external manifestation of those thoughts and intentions)…I have relied more on developing a keen sense of intuition and gut feelings about situations in life…Yes I do read many books and subscribe to many ways and paths…and I see no difference in any of them.
Deeply and essentially all paths talk of love, compassion, abundance, joy, suffering, pain and how to hold the paradox of life with all its various shades and colors in the heart…with utmost compassion and love for whole of life.
By the word HEART here I do not mean the biological heart…but the heart of the Universe…the Hub…source light…from where it all expanded and towards which all is moving…
The problem with human beings essentially is that…we all want only our share of the joy and happiness….but the share of the pain and suffering….we either avoid or deny or blame it on sin and others…or other’s sins…
Show me one human being who is living and will live and has lived without all of it that is joy, pain, peace and turmoil.
Parenting unfortunately, not just in India but all over the world, has been and will continue to be for a long time….about parents wanting to control the lives of their children to essentially see if they can successfully keep their children away from pain, suffering and unpleasant aspects of life…..and work hard to see that children experience only joy…and long periods of happiness.
Here in lies the pitfall….the deep root of all suffering.
For life cannot be controlled….what the children experience to come to their fruition cannot be controlled…How can anyone control what they have no idea of? Are we as parents people who can see the future…do we have supernatural skills to know exactly how it will all turn out for them?
Maybe some have…but I am humble enough to say I don’t..I have no clue as to what lies ahead…I have seen in my own life amazing turns that were completely unexpected…too many I have seen…both joyful and painful.
Many think…”Oh does that mean we just put our hands in the air and let children do whatever the heck they wish to…?”
The answer to that is amusingly both YES and NO…
1. To me parenting is about accepting that life is uncertain and preparing my children to navigate through that uncertainty without them falling apart emotionally and psychologically.
2. To me parenting is about being able to tell my children when they come across something new…pleasant or unpleasant…that YES…this also happens and can happen…to show them a world of possibilities in themselves and others.
3. To be able to show them choices…and yet always trust the choices they make, which are completely opposed to what I think is right or wrong.
4. To have the courage to tell them honestly that I made a choice and it did not work out the way I had expected it to…and hence set an example for them (which they may or may not choose to follow) that they too are free to makes choices and also hence responsible for the consequences of those choices…pleasant or unpleasant…and I will love them through it all…and not make it about morality.
5. To me parenting is about holding my child’s anger, resentments, sadness, joy, pain, disappointments, triumphs, perfection and imperfection in my heart and love them through it all….so that they may be someday able to do it for themselves without relying on any external crutch…and here by crutch I mean…religion, relationships, wealth, ambition, jobs, groups, friends, ideologies, drugs, alcohol and anything else I do not still know about and that I did not include here…
6. I do feel that parenting is more about being able to accept and be open to ‘unpleasant’ emotions, urges and needs of children…as equally as being open to what we consider as pleasant…Because it is in the unpleasant category that most parenting fails miserably…and also all other relationships fail for the same reasons.
We as a human race across the board have a deep attachment and stickiness to all that is pleasant and joyful and an equal intensity of aversion to all that is not…and that is living in duality and separation…and not living in oneness…