To fit in or not to fit in!

 I see that some human beings have a need to be accepted in groups and the larger society whereas some don’t. I am also seeing that I need to honor these different needs in my children also and myself. It is, I feel ok to do things to fit in, if that is what is real in the moment for our children or for anyone for that matter. My child might be doing things to fit in happily and joyously, whereas I might be fretting by projecting my own fears and frustrations that I went through in trying to fit in when I didn’t want to actually.  I used to do this with Gourika, fearing she will also turn out like me, not listening to her heart, most of my life. But I soon realized that she was actually listening to her heart all the while and when she doesn’t she will figure out for herself!..I really feel all is well as long as it is not made out to be wrong or right way to live. For example I once read a beautiful piece by Shobha De, the renowned Indian columnist and novelist. She and her second husband have four daughters from past and present marriages. One of her daughters chose to be a homemaker. When Shobha visited her one evening, her daughter brought out a tray of tea, sensitively decorated with lace and flowers and pastries.:) Then as she offered that to her mother she said, “Maa I hope you are not ashamed of me that I am a homemaker.” Shobha wrote honestly how we have turned our children against their own hearts. She apologized to her daughter for her need to even say this to her mother.. She told her, “whatever you choose is fine with me and if I or anyone has ever made you or or other daughters feel that they need to be out there as career women, then they should be sorry.” May be this story will knock on your doors..


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