To teach or not to teach!

Anyone who is judged for their actions and thoughts will hesitate to speak honestly and authentically. I find with children, it is of great importance that we allow them to check out their own intuitions and gut feelings. They will sometimes experience pain for their choices and sometimes joy. I feel as parents it is our need to protect our kids from pain or other people from pain, that makes us teach them wrong and right. The only issue with that kind of teaching is that the learning is hardly ever internalized organically. And children grow up with knowledge that cannot be relied on, on a sustainable basis. Safety issues like crossing the road or playing with fire or using knives is one realm. In those realms also I prefer personally assisting my child rather than completely banning. But in interpersonal communications and socialization, I try and simply observe and give feedback when they come to me and leave it that.  I also try not to push my children to cross over their own limits when they express discomfort, in order to ‘make them independent’. I allow a child to depend if that is what they want and gently assist in taking a step at a time towards independence. I use the phrases..”It is my need that you do this or don’t do this..or I would feel more at ease if you did this or didn’t do this..” So that the child is clear that it mum’s need and she asking the child to honor mum’s need and the child of course has the freedom to not honor, if it is too tough. But I have requested my children this way many times and it has worked. And I have been willing to be okay (with a lot of initial resistance :)) when they simply could not honor my needs for them to be in a certain way!

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